At the time of this story we were a Windows NT 3.51 shop, and our network was token ring. This becomes important a bit later on.
We had one particular customer (or, "user", as we called them before our vocab guidelines were updated) who was a particular know-it-all. Have you ever noticed how odd it is that the more someone thinks they know, the more often they call in tickets?
I was at lunch
Read Full Tale
I figured i'm probably going to keep the name scheme I used with the last one as this one is just disgusting and makes me wtf everytime I think about it.
Characters: Customer Derp, Tech Herp, Me (Ryan is the name)
Background again, I used to work at Circuit City for 3 years, 2 years on their end user support team. This is one of the best wtf stories i've got from there.
Customer Herp enters the store and proceeds to the tech bench, i'm currently working on 3 other systems so the new tech Derp speaks with the lady.
Herp "My computer won't turn on, and I can't figure out why, the fans aren't making any noise anymore."
Derp "Well we can certainly take a look at it for you, our standard diagnostic fee is $60. Anything after that will be extra is that okay?"
Herp "Yes that seems reasonable, other places wanted to charge me an outrageous fee and I can't figure out why."
Ryan's alarm goes off at this statement
Derp "Well we definitely will take care of it."
Herp and Derp fill out the forms and do the payment transaction part, I continue to work on the systems I had in front of me.
Herp leaves the store, Derp puts the the desktop on the bench with the rear facing me, I notice that there are about 3 Expansion slot covers missing with what appears to be hair or something. I inform Derp.
Derp "Well that's strange, most people don't do this kind of stuff, let me take the side off and see what the shape of the board is."
Derp removes the side of the case and gag's so hard I think he's swallowed his tongue.
Me "Dude....are you gonna die on me what's up?"
Derp points to the case and takes 3 steps away like it's a bomb. I step around the bench and drop my head and just sigh
What could be that bad? I'm sure that you're wondering, don't worry you're going to be filled in, right now.
The customers computer had over heated and ALL the fans in the unit weren't spinning for one simple reason. Roaches. The customers computer was full of dead, chewed up, chunked up roaches. I guess they had made it their home, then when the customer turned the computer on, blender, until it couldn't spin anymore. So that hair I thought I saw, antennas.
I worked at Circuit City for the better part of 3 years, 2 of which were spent on the "FireDog" tech bench, where we often served the bizarre and just all around cooky customers of a North Carolina market.
We had a few interesting cases, here are just a few of the ones that made me go what in the hell are you doing?
1)I was off helping a customer purchase a computer as we often had to do when the store was busy. A colleague of mine, who I later went to Afghanistan with as a private contractor, was at the bench ringing someone up for a wireless router or some other smaller piece of tech. The guy walks up and asks her if we fix computers, which we obviously do, she quotes him our prices and agrees to. He then proceeds to place a food lion bag with a laptop and power supply in it on the counter. A bit puzzled my coworker decides not to bring up the oddity of bringing in a laptop in a plastic bag, she puts the computer behind the counter on our island that we worked on and locks it down within our laptop security bars. I get over there and instantly smell something wrong with the whole situation as the tech bench area now has a foul stench around it. We decide not to proceed with troubleshooting until the customer has confirmed what he thinks may have happened. My boss gives the guy a call and asks that all important question "What has happened in the past 48 hours that would cause your computer to not boot?" The gentleman responds with "Well my buddies and I got really really drunk last night and I think one of my friends may have pissed on it."
At this point another tech has arrived and is starting to fiddle with it a bit, my manager comes running out of the back of the store and about tackles the other tech away from the laptop, after they stand up he proceeds to inform us of the conversation he had with the customer at which point the other technician begins to vomit. We ended up not refunding the guys money and simply telling him to buy a new computer.
TL;DR Guy brings in laptop for service, informs us after he's left the store he thinks a friend pissed on it while drunk.
2) I saw a story similar to this one a few days, maybe a week ago but thought I would share anyways. A friend of mine, we'll call him Herp, worked on the Tech Bench with me, we often made house calls for those users who just didn't want to cart their computers all the way to the store. He was setup with a call from a gentlemen who appeared to be in his mid 20's, but not very tech savvy.
Upon arrival to the customers home Herp walked in and instantly noticed this guy had a rather strange amount of cats (something that strikes me at odd in that age bracket). Herp proceeded to do the normal troubleshooting steps we take then noticed that the front of the case was "dusty" he proceeded to blow it off with canned air. The "dust" wouldn't move so he took his hand, licked his thumb and proceeded to clean the front of the computer off, licking his thumb a few times here and there to get some other spots on the computer. He then proceeds to troubleshoot some more and figures out the guys power strip is bad, replaces it with a new one and gets the guy to pay.
On the way back to the store he gets a call from the guy, advising him that he thought the "lick and wipe" technique was a bit grotesque and advised him to stop and get some mouth wash, then he hung up the phone. A bit alarmed my buddy Herp calls me up and asks what the guy could have meant, between fits of tears and laughter I inform Herp that he just licked the guys dried up cum and should probably go to the store and buy some mouth wash, a toothbrush, and mints at the very least. He never lived that down, not until the store closed did he escape that story.
TL;DR Tech friend I worked with ended up inadvertently "licking" a guys dried up cum off the front of his desktop.
As I recall more i'll edit/update these and trust me, there are more, i'm just at work right now and it's not easy to type this much up and not get "stern looks".