Backstory: The company I work for is, among other things, a reseller of an Asigra-based online backup service that we've had our partner re-brand for us. That leads to calls like this gem I just heard one of my support specialists handle.
Customer: I need to back up my data on my server right now.
Specialist: Ok, we can help with that.
Customer: Because the building next door is on fire.
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Got this email from a client for email tech support:
Cannot seem to get any emails out this morning although I can receive them.
The same is true of both Outlook and Outlook Express. Do you have any
suggestions about who I should contact?"
Only thing is. The email came from her actual email address. Idiot.
client: I can't log in, what's my password??
Admin: There is no password...
client: I've already tried that one!
"I didn't know it had to be physically connected".....
Taken from an actual message requesting help with an email account:
"I would like to disable spam..."
Me: "Now after you've clicked the link just look on your desktop for the downloaded file to appear."
Customer, after brief pause: "Vivian, now what is this "desk" "top" you speak of?
I drove all the way across town to create a shortcut for one person's computer. I showed others in the office where the program was and even offered to talk it through on the phone, but they insisted I needed to make an onsite visit.
Can you believe that? Creating a shortcut!
A few years ago, in school, we had this IT guy whom has only been drinking coffee for the last ten years, and are pretty much out-dated in the IT world.
One day a student complained to the teacher that logging in on the school computer (to the school network for authentication and private storage) was nearly impossible, since the keys typed in on the keyboard was about 5-10 seconds delayed.
The teacher calls the IT guy (whom was about 50 years old). The IT guy looks at the computer, tries to type something himself, and sees the problem. He leaves the classroom without saying anything, and returns twenty minutes later.
He's now entering the classroom carrying a new keyboard. He unplugs the old keyboard, throws it in the trash, and plug the new one in. Of course this solution didn't work, and it's still delay (from the server). He leaves the classroom again, without any information what-so-ever, and never returns.
The company undertakes some sort of merger or acquisition. As a result, extra outlying offices are connected via VPN, and there are clashes with some IP Address ranges. The IT director decreed that some of the new networks would have their addresses moved, but also some existing networks where this would be more convenient e.g. where a network with two PCs and a printer clashed with that of a whole factory.
One manager complained but was overruled. He took petty revenge by simply disappearing for the day of the switchover, leaving his office door locked, while almost all his department went for an extended lunch. The IT Tech. went to the nearly empty department, reset the router, rebooted all PCs and reconfigured the one visible networked printer. Through the glass door of the locked manager's office, he could see a PC and a printer next to it. He asked the one worker left to mind the telephones whether the manager's printer was local or networked. She gave him a look that clearly said Sorry, she didn't speak Klingon. With other departments to reconfigure, he left it at that.
The next day, the manager submitted a formal complaint against the Tech, claiming that the Tech had broken his printer, which failed to work after the network change. The IT director fed the complaint into the shredder and sent another Tech along to investigate. The second Tech found that the printer was networked. He removed the Cat5 cable from it and prepared to jab a screwdriver into it to press the "reset" button. Apparently, the manager's polite enquiry of "What the %*&! do you think you're doing?" could be heard on the floors above and below.
Tech: Well, I'm just resetting this printer to factory default state. Then when I plug the ...
Manager: No, you're not sending this back to the factory! I can't do without it for all that time.
Tech: I'm not sending it anywhere. I'm just resetting it. When I plug the network cable back in, it will pick up a new IP address from the router. Then I just need to delete the existing printer port from your PC and ...
Manager: What are you playing at? First you want to send the printer away for repairs. Then you want to remove hardware from my PC. I can't have all this messing around.
Tech: The printer port is just part of the software configuration. I just need to adjust some settings on your PC.
Manager: No! You've done enough damage as it is. Leave things you don't understand alone!
This is actually a story about my Boss.
We work at an internal helpdesk supporting mainly retail locations. Many years ago before he was the Big Boss he is today he was training a batch of newbs on how to remotely access the windows servers in a store.
He puts his video up on the projector, shows them how to log in, demonstrates a few tasks then goes to log out but instead clicks shutdown instead of log out.
He doesn't notice at fist and continues with the training until someone in the back pipes up, "Um, did you mean to shut that server off?"
He panics and checks to see if the server was up or down and it is indeed down.
It's important to note that he logged into a live server that was running in one of the local stores; not a virtual box or QA or Dev or Test or anything, a live production server.
So with his screen still up on the projector he has to call the store and explain what happened and get someone to access the server and power it back on. Fortunately he used to work under that particular store director and was good friends with him, though he knew he would get a ration of shit.
They unlock the server room, locate the server and press the power button and nothing happens. Or rather, what happens is the power button falls inside the case and the server does not power on at all. The model of server we used at that time had issues with the power button breaking in exactly this manner on occasion and it struck at exactly the wrong time.
So now he has to raise a critical ticket with our hardware vendor to go onsite and fix the server. Keep in mind this is all happening with about 10 newbs watching in the classroom.
It was a few days before he found it as funny as the rest of us.
I figured i'm probably going to keep the name scheme I used with the last one as this one is just disgusting and makes me wtf everytime I think about it.
Characters: Customer Derp, Tech Herp, Me (Ryan is the name)
Background again, I used to work at Circuit City for 3 years, 2 years on their end user support team. This is one of the best wtf stories i've got from there.
Customer Herp enters the store and proceeds to the tech bench, i'm currently working on 3 other systems so the new tech Derp speaks with the lady.
Herp "My computer won't turn on, and I can't figure out why, the fans aren't making any noise anymore."
Derp "Well we can certainly take a look at it for you, our standard diagnostic fee is $60. Anything after that will be extra is that okay?"
Herp "Yes that seems reasonable, other places wanted to charge me an outrageous fee and I can't figure out why."
Ryan's alarm goes off at this statement
Derp "Well we definitely will take care of it."
Herp and Derp fill out the forms and do the payment transaction part, I continue to work on the systems I had in front of me.
Herp leaves the store, Derp puts the the desktop on the bench with the rear facing me, I notice that there are about 3 Expansion slot covers missing with what appears to be hair or something. I inform Derp.
Derp "Well that's strange, most people don't do this kind of stuff, let me take the side off and see what the shape of the board is."
Derp removes the side of the case and gag's so hard I think he's swallowed his tongue.
Me "Dude....are you gonna die on me what's up?"
Derp points to the case and takes 3 steps away like it's a bomb. I step around the bench and drop my head and just sigh
What could be that bad? I'm sure that you're wondering, don't worry you're going to be filled in, right now.
The customers computer had over heated and ALL the fans in the unit weren't spinning for one simple reason. Roaches. The customers computer was full of dead, chewed up, chunked up roaches. I guess they had made it their home, then when the customer turned the computer on, blender, until it couldn't spin anymore. So that hair I thought I saw, antennas.